Every mom is different in their process of bonding with baby. Some ‘moms to be’, like me, really want to know the sex to help bridge a connection to baby as they grow. Up until now, I really felt no emotional connection to the little person growing inside of me. I had not felt any movement, and so far had just been sick and tired all the time. I began referring to baby as the “Succubus,” as this little life had completely transformed mine, and was causing me a bit of an emotional and physical upheaval. My sister told me not to worry, once you feel baby move, it will begin to feel real. I sure hoped she was right! My body started to change quite a bit in the next couple of weeks. I began to experience the sharp and highly uncomfortable pains from the round ligament stretching. At first I thought these were early contractions due to the amount of pain associated with them. Wowza… did they take my breath away, and some even took me to my knees. I am not afraid to admit that I definitely began to have some doubts about my au natural birth plan due to the pain. Luckily, they were short lived. However, with the frequency of the pain I was experiencing and the fact that I had not felt baby move, my midwife thought we should get in for an ultrasound sooner than later – just to be sure. I couldn’t agree more… and I was hoping that seeing her would help me to bond more. For some reason, it felt weird to name baby before seeing her, so she remained the ‘Succubus’ much to my husband’s dismay.
I went into the ultrasound with butterflies of excitement and anxiety, partly due to the fact that I was about to pee my pants. To get a good look at your cervix, they ask that you come in with a full bladder. What they don’t anticipate is the wait time most of us experience at the doctor’s office. I was about to burst! Luckily, my technician was pregnant and understanding of my pain. She took the pictures she needed, and let me use the bathroom, so we could actually enjoy the rest of the appointment. My physical relief was matched with emotional relief when we got to see our baby girl in front of us. Granted, we still needed a bit of direction from our tech as to what we were actually seeing… is that her butt?… ‘No, that is her face!’ You know, the usual questions! Much to my surprise, my placenta was actually located on my backside vs. the front, which was a possible suggestion as to why I hadn’t felt her yet. The frontal location of the placenta would be absorbing the kicks and movements she was making, so it was awesome and reassuring to see how much she was moving around, and that she was healthy and strong.
Once we got to see our little girl, my husband insisted that we determine a name for her as soon as possible. He feared that she would soon begin to hear us talking about her, and us calling her the ‘Succubus.’ Luckily for us, the path to a name was not too challenging for us because we knew that we wanted to use family names from both sides. So, I am pleased to announce, Ms. Pepper Lynn to the world.
A few days after the appointment, my pains stopped, and I literally woke up one morning to a baby belly. It was official… I had popped! I had moved out of the “you look different” questions, to the “wow, you are pregnant” exclamations. I have begun to religiously use of my DreamBelly Butter, as well as increase my water intake significantly, to help to stave off stretch marks. Fingers crossed! My midwife informed me that my abdominal muscles had finally torn, and that Pepper’s growth would be much more visible from here on out. My morning sickness has also subsided, and I am starting to feel less like a zombie. I have not felt the energy that you read about, and some ‘moms to be’ rave about, but my life definitely changed the day I felt her move. It was an incredible feeling, almost breathtaking. She gave me a good hard punch during a massage, I think to tell me, “Ok mom, I know this is relaxing and all, laying on your stomach, but you are crushing me!” No more laying on the stomach for me. Feeling her inside of me did solidify a bond, and now I find myself talking to her all the time. My husband was a little jealous, I think, until he was able to feel her move on Father’s Day. Thank goodness Pepper remembered to get him something! Not only has this deepened his connection with her, it has brought the two of us even closer, as we bond over her and our future family.
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I hope you had a happy 4th!